when LOVE flickers no more


Living fire begets cold impotent ash. True, but I thought for a moment what began as a sweet smelling aroma perfuming its environs could be exempted from dying. I meant love and its inexplicable associated feelings. Funny, how could I forget that even the word “aroma” lacks any enviable longevity!

Perhaps familiarity may pass for a good reason but certainly at some point in all our relationships, the qualms calm in our tummies, our hearts beat normal, there is no tingle down our spine, our eyes don’t twitch, we no longer hold our breath, we begin to count the faults and yeah, the little things lose their power to intrigue.

Isn’t it ironic that knowing the other person well should make us understand perhaps, appreciate the person more? Yet it rather seems to dull most moments. And then everything becomes so predictable and simply refuses to awe.

Truth is, at every point in time we are being intrigued by someone. Someone who occupies our thoughts, puts smile on our faces, makes us feel proud, colors our day, appears in our day dreams, steals our time etc. If this someone isn’t “who it should be”, then we are on a highway to having issues. Then it becomes easy for us to ignore or tagged our “who it should be” as boring. They may be trying but we simply aren’t interested. And then since we are all good at finding excuses for everything, we coin one for why we think we have to break up and walk away. Consciously we start packing.



Before you zip the bag, think carefully. Do you really want to let go? Sometimes you have to make a list of everything. Good, bad, fun and all about the person. Be absolutely honest. And make one for yourself. What would come to you easily are the person’s faults. What is difficult to accept are yours. Now think through again with one question in mind, “How have you contributed to this dullness?”

You might discover why everything is flat and boring. It could be that you are focused on the person’s shortcomings so nothing intrigues you anymore. You don’t even see it. It could be that you have forgotten the reasons you fell in love in the first place. When you are sincere, you’d know.

And then when you decide to stay and work through, what do you do? Shift your focus back to the person and hand over the matter to God for help? Yeah but not that simple because it wouldn’t take a day or two.

It takes a while. It takes a conscious effort. It takes sacrifice. It takes hard work. It takes deliberate and calculative efforts to get the love back. It is not something you say and pray about alone. It is something you do intentionally whether you feel like it or not.

Start with simple acts of love. Compliments often. Leave love notes. Buy thoughtful gifts not necessary big. Pull a surprise. Make time to walk and talk. By all means do something. Fight for love. Get the flickers back. You can! Be Inspired.

Kwabena Eddie Mankata(c) 2015