I saw it coming. I did. I thought I had it covered. I had the straight jab blocked but didn’t see the upper cut. Bam! I was floored. There was no need to count. Game over. The title was taken from me and I sneaked out through the back door. Away, I was gone. Thankfully, it was raining so my tears were graciously hidden and with the power cuts, my swollen face couldn’t scare anyone.
Okay, I wasn’t in a boxing ring but in a relationship that looked like one. My head every day since day two of the relationship, debated against my heart over the topic, “Masa end this and run away!” Truly speaking, my head always presented strong points but since I was the judge and not fair (chocolate skinned…lol), my heart became an undisputed winner of all those countless night debates set in my mind when sleep had found her instead.
Let me save you the details. It was one of those relationships where you engaged in a mental rehearsal of what your possible response would be to her possible question before you actually meet her and when you depart. It was one those relationships where your friends and family fake nods and smiles whenever you mentioned her. It was one of those relationships where you tried to explain your actions and inactions as well as hers. It was one of those relationships where you decided on several occasions, “well it’s over, this is it, I have had enough” and then realized you didn’t have the nerve to act on it. It was one of those relationships with an appearance of God but a denial of the power thereof. And yeah it was the relationship you saw all the wrongs before but convinced yourself with an outstanding hope on the wheels of faith that all shall be well. After all, it is not that bad and no one is perfect.
So I stayed. I stayed with hopes, prayers and morning declarations. “With God all things are possible” became my favourite verse. “God, this is your child and I know you can transform her” I said often, sometimes on an empty stomach. The more I prayed, the more we disagreed. The more I declared, the more we argued. The more I hoped, the more we fought. Something wasn’t adding up. I didn’t need Einstein to tell me but shockingly I stayed. I was drained physically, spiritually, emotionally, financially and all the “allys”. I saw signs. I heard sermons. I read books. Heaven cautioned. Still, I stayed. For my own pride, I stayed. For fear of the gossips, I stayed. For fear of not finding another, I stayed.
I was living in total denial. I felt it. I knew it. Something was off. Same words but they started feeling empty. Sometimes even scary. But as stubborn as I was, I stayed. And boy! Did I pay a huge price? You bet!
Until I think heaven got fed up and intervened. She rather called it off! That’s why I think it was Heaven. And can you imagine I tried to fight back? I wanted to make it work. Can you blame me? I had invested a lot in it. But I let it go. And guess who I found?…..
Let me get this out plain and simple. No one is perfect but there is an imperfect person perfect for your imperfectness! It means not every imperfect person is perfect for you. Accepting to go out and eventually marrying someone means you are going to be dealing with a specific set of attitudes for a very looooong time, so you better make up your mind. God is able to do exceedingly, abundantly great. With God all things are possible. Is there anything too hard for the LORD? Quote all the scriptures. Pray all the tongues. Decree and declare. If it won’t work, it won’t!! Eiish!
Too many messy relationships. Too many false hopes of a brighter future; way too many! Some are being beaten, virtually raped, exploited and striped of their dignities even Christians but still, they are waxing strong hoping things will change. They are praying that two and two shouldn’t make four. By the time some eventually marry, the broken pieces of their heart will be so tiny that they can pass through the eye of a needle. The first job of their spouse will be to mend their broken heart and resuscitate it to see if it can love fully again with no fear or suspicions.
If you are living in denial, you know! Donald Neale said, “You cannot lie to yourself. Your mind knows the truth of your thoughts.” And if you are waiting for this prophecy, “my son, my daughter, run away before you die,” I’m sorry some of these prophets we have won’t deliver it even if God says exactly that else you will reduce their money and not come back to them.
Galileo Galilee writes, “I do not feel obliged to believe that the same God who has endowed us with sense, reason and intellect has intended for us to forgo their use.”
God has a way of talking to us. When you genuinely listen to God and pay attention, He will give you signs to confirm whether that person is the one or not. He will. I know so but will you follow His lead? Heaven might not intervene for you. The person isn’t going to die as you wish. Pack your things and run. Wait, leave the things and run. One thing; don’t look back!! This is a relationship don’t let it end up in marriage. Run!!!! Be inspired!
Kwabena Eddie Mankata ©2014